Jev’s in a strange place as he stares into his phone on a bus in the Phillipines.

His headphones are blaring songs that make him the happiest and the saddest. There never seems to be a middle ground for him. ‘All or nothing’ are words he lives by but he never expected it to translate to everything in his life so explicitly.

His team around him are visibly stoked, as they should be, they’re at the pinnacle of Downhill Skateboarding competing at the SEAgames. He knows they look up to their coach for guidance and his ability to look on the bright side even when things look grim but he wonders if any of them truly know the internal battle he faces just to get out of bed everyday. He does it anyway and smiles the whole time as he’s very aware that this is what matters at the end of the day, however somedays he wishes it would get easier.

On the outside he’s strong, energetic, smart, childlike, funny, confident, eccentric and probably the happiest person you know. But those who have peeled back the onion to its most inner layer know he struggles more often than not.

He’s so damned tired.

He’s self conscious, unsure of his own very obvious ability’s and work ethic, he’s needy, he’s volatile, he feels too deeply and forgives too easily, even amidst the best friends anyone could ever be lucky enough to have he’s lonely and he seems to always find a way to push away those who mean the most to him.

It’s likely a byproduct of being spread to thin but he won’t back off now, he can’t. He’s really not sure if he’ll complete the first of his many dreams but the completion matters very little at this point, he’s addicted to the journey, to the progression, to being something people aspire too. He’s craves the endless everyday battle he must fight to become the best person he can be.

He knows everyone’s fighting and hopes that giving insight to his own battles will help others with theirs.

The bus arrives, he smiles and immediately feels the joy it carry’s with it. No time for sadness now, there’s work to be done.

Till next time,

Jevy ❤️